Friday, October 26, 2007

UGH!

I didn't even know how to title this..... Most, if not all of you, who read this blog have heard about the adoption fraud that we went through right before Amelia. For those who might have just found the blog or might have missed it -- this is not me calling it a fraud when it was a failed adoption, where the mother decides to parent instead. I think all of you know that I have the greatest respect and love for my girls birthmothers and I cannot even imagine what any mother who chooses to place her baby goes through. That being said, that was not the case, it was a fraud, it was told to us by our attorney at the time that what she did was a felony and that he was going to send an affidavit for her arrest. I doubt he did, but that's another story. Anyway, Wednesday I got a message from a girl who found me through another girl's "networking" --- she said she recognized our name and didn't know if I remembered her but she worked for "above mentioned bad attorney" and that we might like to know that it looks like Andrea (that was the potential birthmothers name) would be going to jail because she has been caught again working a scam. This time, she was using a fake name, fake SSN, and a fake pregnancy test. She hoped she wasn't stirring up bad memories, but thought we would like to know. I responded something like "I hate she did this again, no it doesn't bring up bad memories regarding her. I think about her often, wonder how she is, where she is, was she even pregnant.... but that GOD IS GOOD and had really taken any bitterness toward her away and showed me sorrow for her because she doesn't have HIM" (But with alot more words because you know I talk too much. :) She responded to me "Andrea's mother said that Andrea did this for her last pregnancy, which was probably with you guys so she probably was actually pregnant. " She also mentioned that this was not with one of "bad attorney's" couples but it was a couple with the SAME FACILITATOR/REFERRAL AGENCY that he uses, THE SAME one that worked with Andrea with us. I felt sick hearing that, here this same mother went with the same facilitator (called referral agency for "bad attorneys" own purposes) and scammed another couple. She was quick to tell me that she had only been matched with a family for a couple months -- ONLY, are you kidding me??? So someone else had to go through a scam because once again this place doesn't screen/talk to/check records on/..... their potential birthmothers. I responded that I honestly wasn't surprised because I had heard alot of bad things about this facilitator and read alot of negative things on the internet. Although I didn't mention "bad attorney's" name in that, I never heard back from her after that. Because honestly, he won't stop using them either. Although in SC facilitators are illegal he uses one as a "referral agency" because he doesn't have many birthmothers come in his office. And don't get me wrong, I don't think all facilitators are evil -- we used one with Isabella, but went into that naively and she was a Godsend, and I am starting to think a very rare "good one", we learned this as well as alot of lessons through our scam -- but again, another story. This bad facilitating company is based out of the east and yet most of their birthmothers are out west -- interesting huh? They don't meet these mothers in person, they don't counsel these mothers and probably can't check up on them afterwards. I'm not sure how expectant mothers, birthmothers, or adoptive families are getting the kind of treatment they deserve. Obviously it is not a real concern or they wouldn't have repeat offenders. I have not really vented much on this issues, because I don't want it to sound like I'm bitter. Once again I actually feel sorry for Andrea, I hope that somehow when we flew out and met her and showered love on her that God uses us and our sweet Isabella to be brought back to her memory and that she could see Him through us. I'm doing this more of a warning that people would realize to be careful. God didn't spare us from that hurt maybe so we could somehow help others not go through it, I don't know. As for the facilitator -- they are a religious organization, "bad attorney" is a Christian, and its so frustrating to me to think that expectant mothers, birthmothers, and families are going through pain because of them. And so many people will trust them because they hide under the name Christian. I really thought of this other family, I wondered if they were Christians, I wondered if they had Christ to lean on for their hope and comfort, I wondered if they had adopted before like we had and had already seen God's bringing their child to them, and I hurt for them remembering what it was like to go through that loss and quite honestly, I felt a little angry, felt angry that this same place had let this same woman do this again to another family. BUT, I once again have to go crying to God and realize that HE IS IN CONTROL! In our situation I see His will revealed in the sweet faces of my girls. I don't know why these companies continue to work, but I know that is in God's hands.

On a sweeter note, so I don't leave you with a bad taste - and as at least one of the many reasons God had us go through that.....my sweet Amelia. Today at lunch Amelia was so cute, we went with my parents and Papa kissed her goodbye, then she pointed to her lips, so he kissed her lips, then she pointed to her nose, so he kissed her nose..... how cute is she?!?! :) God really does know exactly what (who) we need! :)

3 comments:

Annie said...

Wow, that is sad. Anyway you could let us know the name of this place/facillitator so those of us just beginning our adoption journey don't use them?

Shawnda said...

OH NO! I'm SO sorry to hear this....so sad. She seems so desperate : ( And the agency....I'm assuming that's the one that we had corresponded about??

Thanks for sharing this, Deanna! I feel like this should be more "known" or something.....I don't know.....shedding light on darkness?? What are your thoughts??

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry for what you went through and it's a shame this lady is pulling another scam! I don't understand how someone can play with another's emotions like that and purposefully be deceitful. That's sad; I hope she does go to jail so she can't do this to someone else again ... and maybe she'll learn a lesson.